Dealing with Stress Properly – Part 2
Welcome to Part 2 - Turning Down the Volume
Last time, we explored how we often mistake our external stressors for the stress itself. While external factors can certainly trigger stress, the stress response actually happens within the body. When we believe the stress exists “out there,” our attention and energy naturally follow it.
From the perspective of the nervous system, this makes sense. Its primary job is to keep us safe. When it perceives danger, it directs our awareness toward whatever seems threatening in an attempt to deal with it. This response is invaluable when facing real physical danger, but it can become less helpful when we’re dealing with life’s everyday challenges.
As we discussed in Part 1, we tend to handle non-life-threatening situations much more effectively when we bring our awareness and energy back into ourselves. This is what it means to be centred.
So today’s question is:
Why do things like relationship conflict, receiving criticism, worrying about your health, feeling rejected, disappointing someone, or facing uncertainty about the future trigger such a strong survival response?
They’re certainly unpleasant—but in most cases, they’re not physically dangerous.
The reason is that, over time, our nervous system can learn to interpret certain experiences as threats. One person may become highly reactive to criticism, another to rejection or conflict. Someone else may feel overwhelmed by uncertainty, health worries, or the fear of disappointing people they love. Although these situations aren’t physically dangerous, the nervous system can mistakenly classify them as if they were, activating the same survival response it would use in a genuine emergency.
These patterns often begin early in life, but everyone’s nervous system learns different associations. The important thing is not where they came from, but recognizing that they exist.
Here’s a simple exercise you can try.
First, bring your awareness back into your body and allow yourself to become as centred as you can.
Then notice the part of you that feels afraid, anxious, or overwhelmed by the situation.
Give that feeling a number between 0 and 100.
Perhaps today it feels like an 86.
Now imagine there’s a large volume knob, or a dimmer switch, connected to your nervous system.
Without forcing anything, gently imagine turning it down.
You’re not trying to suppress your emotions or pretend everything is fine. You’re simply inviting your nervous system to recognize that this situation doesn’t require its highest state of alert.
Over time, we want the nervous system to reserve its strongest survival response for situations that are genuinely dangerous—not for every uncomfortable conversation or unexpected challenge.
The more rooted you become in your own centre, the less easily you’re pulled away from it by criticism, conflict, or stressful circumstances.
This isn’t about becoming emotionally numb.
It’s about helping your nervous system become a faithful servant rather than an automatic driver.
When your reactions no longer control you, you have more freedom to choose how you respond. This is also an important part of personal and spiritual growth—not being ruled by every emotion or reaction, but learning to respond from a deeper, steadier place within yourself.
As your nervous system becomes calmer and more regulated, many people find that their perceptions become clearer. They understand others more easily, communicate more thoughtfully, and navigate life’s challenges with greater confidence and resilience.
This is one of the processes I’ve used more than almost any other in my practice. While you can certainly begin exploring it on your own, many people find that working alongside a skilled practitioner makes the process easier, providing guidance, support, and a calm presence as the nervous system learns new patterns.
Next time, in Part 3, we’ll explore how this work can extend beyond simply regulating the nervous system and become part of a deeper process of personal transformation.